Happiness Isn’t Hope (Part I)

There was a time when I was happy. But happiness is a fading thing. Along with other emotions - the bad ones too - it comes and goes, all the while making you think they will stay forever. From happy to sad, from sadness to anger, from anger to absolute exhaustion, bitterness and sometimes forgiveness. …

Depression Firsthand

I looked at the hospital discharge packet. The doctor had me listed as a patient who had "depression." I'm not sure why but seeing it on paper made it that much more real. A couple of months after I had my son I began experiencing intrusive suicidal thoughts. What alarmed me was not merely the …

The Trail Ahead

Written July 7, 2020. Edited January 4, 2021. The year is 2020 and the COVID pandemic has reportedly claimed the lives of over 1.68 million people worldwide. Believe it or not, it's been the least of my worries. The past few years have been trial-some, but this one is doing a number on me. If …

Alone No More

Lounged on a couch with your unbroken gaze Disappearing at the end of our nights Your living compass; a desirable chase Strung in the middle of Christmas lights Within every scene and tangled inbetween: an embrace, you caressed my deepest despairs One smirk only yours could get out of me would turn into tears at …

A Brief Aspect on Death

It's 12/30/20. My grandpa passed away a couple of nights ago due to complications from COVID-19 and my brother also lost his life this year from being ambushed in Afghanistan on 2/8/20. Both were unexpected. Both, still feeling deeply for. If there's one thing I'm beginning to acknowledge about death is that it doesn't discriminate, …

It’s 4:17 AM

This isn't insomnia. It's my attempt to bring order. It's my longing for a shoulder. It's the silvers getting older - courser. While you dream at 4:17 AM This isn't normal. It's the thoughts getting better. It's the rain she remembers It's every time you forget her - forsake her Mayer plays at 4:17 AM …

I Entered the Stock Market

I decided to enter the realm of amateur and expert investors. The Stock Market has proven time and time again to be an abundant source of income for the well-studied and I thought I could try it out. By the way, did you notice how I'm not saying "trying my luck?" There's this huge misconception …

A Master’s Degree in Worship

Attending seminary was not always something I wanted to do. I honestly had no idea they existed. I think I was reading the bible by myself one night and thought, "I want to study more, but I need help. I want to go to school for it." A quick google search assured me there was …

Study on John 15

The Son of God always had a peculiar way of revealing spiritual truths using the visible world. One of them would be the passage of the True Vine, found in John 15. The metaphor not only portrays a unique relationship between Christ and his disciples, but of a God who identifies himself as the necessary …

Emergent Church Criticism

The Emergent Church has gained significant momentum over the past few decades, and it's likely you haven't noticed either. The Emergent Church isn't some denomination you can pinpoint historically, nor is it confined to a religious establishment. Its a movement that has found its roots within the American culture of subjective truth. There are some …